Today I want to share a little bit about my traumatic history and how I healed from it, for the most part.
The most important thing that helped me to heal was not all the talk therapy and journaling I was doing, even though those methods helped to an extent. Instead, the biggest thing that helped me was not telling the story anymore. In fact, I found it helpful to get rid of the story entirely, because it was not helping me anymore. Decades after experiencing trauma, I kept telling myself the same story of, “I can’t do X, because Y happened.” What I did not realize was that the more often you tell yourself a story, especially a story of “I can’t do X because of XYZ,” the more you start to believe it and the more that story starts to get reinforced by others.
What do I mean by that? Well, people who knew my mom growing up, especially other family members, knew that she could get a little crazy. (Honestly, if you are a single woman raising two kids in a country that you are not familiar with, anybody can go a little crazy.) Point being, I would tell people that I could not do things as an adult because of my childhood growing up. In response, well intending people who loved me would say things like, “Oh, you poor thing! It’s no wonder you’re this way!” or, “Wow you’re doing so good because of your history with this stuff.” or, “We’re not going to expect more from you because of what you went through.” As a result, I started to believe what they said. On top of that, my nervous system started to notice that when I told my trauma story people started to have sympathy for me and I got love and attention, so it is in my best interest to hold onto my trauma. My trauma was being reinforced over and over, and that is not healthy.
So one day, I just thought to myself, “Hypothetically, what if my trauma had not happened? What if it was all a complete figment of my imagination, a dream that I believed…what would I be doing with my life?” After I made that decision to live life as if the trauma never happened, I started doing stuff like hanging out in nature and other activities I liked to do as a kid. I also started to take care of my inner child, letting him have fun, but also taking care of myself, forcing my inner child to get to bed at a decent time, feeding him healthy food he does not necessarily want to eat (like getting my three-year-old daughter to eat the vegetables she does not want to eat) drinking clean, pure water, working out and all the basic, easy stuff that a wellness guy like me teaches other people how to do. After all of this, what do you know, I started feeling healthier, yes, but also WAY happier.
Eight months later, I honestly cannot remember what I was complaining about. My programming, the wiring of my neurons themselves, started to change because I was not telling the same story anymore and it was not getting reinforced by others around me. In fact, I started to bring people into my life that would call me out on it. When I would try to use trauma as an excuse, they would say, “Dude you are almost 40, why are you still complaining about something that happened 25 years ago?” I started to realize they were right and even though my trauma happened a long time ago, I was still trapped in the story of limiting myself.
My advice for anybody who is dealing with any type of trauma that is lingering and won’t let go is to act as if it did not happen, for at least 90 days. We are not just going to ignore it, but instead ask yourself, “What would I do differently if this hadn’t happened?” Live your life that way, speak that way, encompass that in your entire being, and see what changes in your life. I am willing to bet that just like me, your psychology will change as you start to take radical responsibility for yourself and all of your thoughts, words and deeds.
Need Some Help Releasing Trauma?
If you are having trouble with this, or want expert guidance, I do have a course called Healing (e)Motion: Trauma Release Exercises for People with Stress where I walk you through easy physical movements for the body. These exercises help to move the trauma energy that gets trapped in the body, and will speed up your healing journey.
I hope this is helpful for you, and as always, have a happy, healthy rest of your day, and I will talk to you in the next one.